Dear Anita, I’ve recently started seeing this guy from my bio class. He’s super sweet, the only problem is that he’s in a frat and I am very far removed from Greek life. Sometimes I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about – what does ‘boolin’ with the boys’ even mean?? I want to keep seeing him, but I fear that this lack of understanding will put a strain on our relationship. Please help!!

From Frazzled by Frat Bros in FJ

Dear Frazzled, 

The start of any new relationship can be daunting, especially when you begin to realize you may not have as much in common with this person as you originally thought. Fear not – with my tips and tricks for dating frat men, you will be able to snag and keep anyone from a pledge to the president of the fraternity himself. 

The first, and most important step, is to make sure you are choosing the right frat guy to focus your attention on. Different frats attract different types of men, so you must be sure you are choosing a frat boy whose vibe matches your own. If your ideal night out is you, your man, and 4-7 of his closest brothers trying to convince the MPD to not shut down their party, try looking for an ATΩ. If you don’t mind hearing Party in the USA five times throughout the course of your Saturday night, go Snu. And if you ever meet a KA, please call this number: 731-423-5725. This is the number for the Tennessee wildlife and Fisheries department, who you should call if you ever encounter an endangered species, such as a KA man. 

After determining which species of frat boy is right for you, your next step is to find one you wish to date. This can be accomplished in a variety of ways, but the best by far is to attend their parties. My mother always told me that if you still like a person while they’re sad, angry, or sick, then they’re the one for you. Luckily, a drunk man can display all of these traits simultaneously, thereby letting you know if you actually like them or not. After your initial reconnaissance is done, you should ask him out. An ideal first date should be in an environment where he feels the most comfortable, so consider taking him to a dark, sweaty basement or cramped porch. Barring that, just ask him to explain all the rules of beer pong. Two hours later, you’ll have wormed your way into a second date. 

And here is where the work begins. As you hang out more and more, you will slowly begin to understand the intricate complexities that make up the enigma that is a frat boy. Though it may not always sound like it, you two do speak the same language. Many common frat phrases are simple combinations of two words, like how ‘darty’ means a party that is during the day. What becomes more difficult is when he tells you a story about how Buttchug was thrown out of Silkies for trying to sneak in his Swamp Ape. As a general rule of thumb, any odd combination of nouns and adjectives can be one of three things: a nickname from his frat brothers, a truly horrible cocktail, or the name of a local bar. Use your best judgement and context clues when determining what’s what. 

If this date goes well, and the ones after this date do too, then you may find yourself in a relationship with this man. Don’t panic – there are many perks to dating frat boys. The most obvious is being invited to parties and formals, but the most important perk is that many frat guys are genuinely kind, funny, and caring. So, don’t stress if you begin to feel like you may not have as much in common with this man as you originally thought, Frazzled. If you stick around and continue to get to know him, you may find that this frat boy is meant to be your man. And if it doesn’t work out, you could always date a sorority girl instead. 

Sincerely, 

Anita D’vice